Saturday, 10 March 2012

Snow White's Mirror

I don't generally share my creative writing work - it's bad enough reading it out loud in class let alone plastering it all over the internet - but I thought I'd post my homework from this week's class here as it's relevant.

The task: write a fairytale from a different view point; i.e. Cinderella from the point of view of one of the mice or the three little pigs from the wolf's perspective. 400 words. Or thereabouts. And stick to the plot.

Snow White from the Mirror's POV

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?"

That's all I effin' hear. Every day it’s the same thing. They don’t even bother to ask me my name, it’s all ‘mirror’ this and ‘mirror’ that. The name’s Barnaby by the way. Barnaby Watson. Pleased to meet you.

So yeah, this Queen who fancies herself hung me up in her bedroom and it’s my job to reassure her that she’s hot. Sounds good though, doesn’t it, looking at a beautiful woman all day, but she’s crap company and always asks the same question. One day, I had to give her a different answer though, and she didn’t like that one bit.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"Queen, you are full fair, tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you." Mind you, with a name like that, what d’you expect? Good job she’s home-taught, she’d probably get the mick taken out of her at school. Oh yeah, I should’ve mentioned, Snow White is the Queen’s husband’s ex-wife’s sprog. Got that? Good.

So the Queen, being barking mad, orders a huntsman to do away with poor Snowy. What she doesn’t know is that he couldn’t bring himself to stab a poor innocent good-looking lass and let her run off. So I hang about, waiting to deliver the bad news.

Hearing she’s once again been outdone in the beauty stakes, instead of having a facial or going on a diet or being content with being No.2 in the world, this woman with whom I’m most unfortunate to share a room instead dons a range of disguises and tries to do Snow White in yet again. First she tries doing her corset up too tight. Then she tries poisoning a comb. (Yeah, don’t ask me). Finally she poisons an apple and that seems to do the trick ‘cause Snowy takes the bait and collapses.

Again that evening I get asked the same old question. But I’ve another surprise in store for her when I tell her “You my Queen, are fair, tis true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.” See, a prince came along and found Snowy and kissed the offending apple right out of her throat and she jumped right up and agreed to marry him. The Queen didn’t half get a fright when she went to the wedding and saw that it was indeed her stepdaughter behind the veil.

Now they’re packing me up and shipping me off to go and live with a girl called Alice who’ll hopefully leave me alone and I’ll get some time for reflection at long last.