Monday, 20 February 2012

What I Wore Today

Apologies dear reader(s?), it would appear I haven’t updated this blog thing in a while. As it happens, I’ve been hard at work on other projects, such as getting up in the morning and going to work, watching Firefly, adding to my collection of empty wine bottles, and, like the rest of Brighton, working on a novel.

As an impetus to achieve the latter aim, I joined a creative writing class at City College. ‘Write Away’. You can write away. Stay all day. If you want to. Haha, I always get that song in my head as an earworm. Hmm. Imagine a band called ‘Tapeworm’. They would create rearworms. Hahaha. Sorry, what? Oh yes, concentrate.

That’s the thing I’m having trouble with. Concentration. Motivation. I’m too easily distracted. A fact I’ve been discussing with Charlycrash, my intertubes equivalent of feline company in my crazy-cat-lady, hermit-by-choice existence. We agreed that we crave peace and quiet, and when we finally get it, we instead crave company. Or in his words, “meow meow meow meow meow. MEOW.” What I need is not a course about how to improve my writing. I need a course on how not to be distracted by the internet.

It was a special kind of boredom one of these days that led me to one of those ‘What I Wore Today!’ blogs created by a self-proclaimed fashionista with an overblown sense of her own importance, viewing the world through spectacles without lenses. I scrolled through the pictures of this attractive woman in appalling twee outfits, transfixed. To my surprise, it took longer to scroll past all the comments on the posts. Fifty sycophantic comments for an ill-fitting Topshop cardigan.

This picture took the absolute fucking biscuit:

I stopped reading after that. Dress to attract a mate, or dress for comfort, says I. How this achieves either, I can’t say. Says I. That outfit would look kinda cute on...an EIGHTY-YEAR-OLD, I guess. And those shoes. I’m all for practicality in footwear, anyone who knows me knows if I add anything more than an inch of height I’m likely to go sprawling because I’ve stumbled into an ant or something. But practicality does not have to mean butt-ugliness!

Why.

Poppy Dinsey has pretty much made a career out of this kind of thing.

Whew, I can sleep at night now.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that Blogsville allows young girls to stick two fingers up at the fashion industry by allowing them to easily share tips and fluidly exchange feedback. But where is the justification in heaping praise on this pile of rags?! It’s pyjamas and flip-flops!

I decided I’d have a go at my own fashion tips and include a few pictures, let’s see if it gets 50 comments.

  • Wear what makes you look good.
  • Wear what makes you feel good.
  • Do not assume a hefty price tag equates a look that will suit you, derive compliments from friends, and get you laid.
  • Dress for your figure. If you have a front people sometimes confuse with your back, flapper-style will suit you. If you’re anything larger than a size 14, probably best to steer clear of hotpants. Don’t cram yourself into clothes that are too small, you’re not fooling anyone and you’ll get muffin tops. Which will just make you hungrier. Mmmmmuffin.
  • I usually receive the most compliments for clothes I’ve found in charity shops, and sometimes for clothes that I’ve owned for over a decade. Don’t be snobby. And don’t chuck out a good piece just because it’s been knocking around for a few years. I apply the same rule to my menfolk. I sometimes pick them up in charity shops too.
  • Don’t pay too close attention to ‘trend alerts’ identified by budget ‘fashion’ magazines. Of course they’ll peddle the same ‘Bright Clothes for Spring!’ and ‘Earthy Tones for Autumn!’ bullshit. All presented as though they’re the first to have hit on these genius lifesaving ideas. They get sent samples/bribes by companies that want to be featured in the publications so of course they’re going to try to flog you this shit. So they get sent more. Perk of the job, innit.
  • And why don’t you spend £50 on make-up – IN A RECESSION – to go with the new you? Here’s some pictures of smashed up eyeshadows and something that probably means penis envy to get you in the mood.

    What a fucking waste.

  • Don’t listen to twats like me, and wear what the hell you want.

Here’s what I wore today:

I lie. I’ve worn this for 3 days running, actually.

Here’s how I did my hair and make-up (when I eventually had to do all that as well as put clothes on to go out and buy fags):

I AM MOONPIG.

Took a few takes to get right though.

Desu.

I dunno. Maybe I’m just jealous of all these girls. Yes, that’s it: jealousy. Because the most popular blogpost I’ve done is the one where I’m wearing nothing at all. No, I’m not going to bloody link it, scroll through my witterings if you’re that desperate, VALIDATE MY LIFE!

^_^ Xoxox ~ Spider Meringue ~ xoToX ^_^

"I'm into fashion just because of you

It ain't the flash man, it's down to attitude."