Thursday, 4 July 2013

Death to all Butt Metal

Many Twitter accounts affiliated to the metallic genre do little to dispel the myth that listeners are little other than greasy-haired knuckle-draggers and RPG-ers soaked in Jack Daniels.

I've collected a few examples over the past fortnight or so.

First up, Kerrang! (The exclamation mark is important)

Have you remembered to take your ADHD meds today?

Swearing at Derby will definitely get all their newsagents running to stock your rag, Metal Hammer! YEAH!

Ok, 'Radio 1 Rockshow' I'll clear a space on the mantlepiece.

Wait, 'That Metal Show', you didn't even give me a chance to answer! (\m/)

Metal Hammer there (again), making the rather bizarre assumption Slipknot still have fans.

Don't get me started on Zero Tolerance Mag, with their entire feed in capitals.

And finally, something calling itself 'Loudwire'.

Right. By that definition:

"THE KOMBUCHA MUSHROOM PEOPLE, SITTING AROUND ALL DAY! (WHO) CAN BELIEVE YOU (WHO) CAN BELIEVE YOU, LET YOUR MOTHER PRA-AY-AYYYY" #GreatRockLyrics #WOOAARGGGH!

"I'VE GOT TWO TICKETS TO IRON MAIDEN BABY, COME WITH ME FRIDAY, DON'T SAY "MAYBE", I'M JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG BABY LIKE YOU! (OOOH-OOOH-OOOHHHHWOOOO)" #GREATRAWKLYRICS #BABY

"COME M'LADY, COME COME M'LADY, YOU'RE MY BUTTERFLY, SUGAR, BABEH." #GreatRockLyrics #Yeah!

Nowt wrong with appealing to your audience. But this is making me somewhat embarrassed to even listen to shouty guitar music. A mature approach for, well, maturer fans would be nice is all. Instead of the brainfarts of pimply work experience kids high on Monster energy drinks, who refer to tattoos as 'tats'. Yeah. You know the type.