Thursday, 11 July 2013

Old Diary Entries

Following Stylist's request for old diary entries, I unearthed a gem from 1996.

Excuse the hair.

I loved the sun, moon and stars hippy dippy yin yang mystical stuff when I was a tween; early goff underpinnings perhaps?

I still have a few furnishings from that time actually.

But enough content evasion.

Let me transport you back to a magical time known as the mid-90s, before we all had mobile phones and if you wanted to meet up with a mate you just had to fucking be there, the local shop was Safeway, when hairstyles were floppy, and indie music was actually good.

This is from the introductory entry, dated 16th July 1996. At the time I lived in Wiltshire and attended Devizes School.

"I'm in 7LXR, in Mr Ross's form. He is also our science teacher. He's always hyper and he said 'bludy' [sic] once, and I was cracking up for ages! I'll tell you about the people in my class.

Stuart Adams = He's ok. Bit weird.

Kate Allen = Has a lovely reading voice. Nice enough kid.

Mark Bridewell = Pain in the butt. No other comment!

It occurs to me at this point I should probably omit surnames...oh well, let's live dangerously.

Gareth Buckland = Smart lad. Has sense of humour.

Josie Britton = Quite nice. Bit sarcastic at times, but no-one takes it too seriously."

There I signed off, vowing to continue the next day. Which I valiantly did, but I'm skipping that shit to get to the juicy parts. But I will tell you Ben was 'very tasty but a bit of a twit at times'.

23rd July 1996

"Something funny happened this morning at school. I was talking with Chrissy, Amy and Andrew. Then I happened to spot Sally walking with Gareth. I nodded in their direction and said, "OooooOOOooohhh, Sally and Gareth!" Gareth was then walking slightly behind Sally, and Andrew said: "Got to keep up with your new girlfriend, Gareth!" Everyone cracked up. Chrissy said afterwards that they'd make a great couple; 'square bears together!' "

Excuse me while I pause to wipe away the tears of laughter.

But wait -

"P.S. The new love of my life is Lee M. He's really cute and has a great sense of humour. Sigh."

(That was decorated by those little True Love Always/True Love Forever doodles folks would scratch into desks and that).

18th August 1996

This was about a girl I didn't like. We'll call her A.

"I found out what happened to A. Her hair used to be like this = [doodle of a long-haired girl] but now it's like this = [doodle of a short-haired girl]. I asked Gemma why A was away and she said it was because she had nits. Like, best news of the century dude!

I found out this great way to get Lee's attention. I can stick my tongue in so it looks like this = [doodle of something that looks like a fish flapping around an arsehole], you know, you roll it back but I can make it stay there. Lee thinks it's gross, but a great laugh! You should see Andrew trying to do it. I must think of more tricks like that."

Fast-forward seven years or so, and yes, you'll be pleased to learn, Constant Reader, I did learn more tricks involving my tongue.


24th September 1996

"No. 1 in the charts is 'Ready or Not', by the Fugees. It's really dumb in some parts, but ok. They knocked down the Spice Girls. Good, I was getting a tad tired of that song anyway.

My favourite song ever is now in the Top 10! I heard it years before anyone else did. A group called Deep Blue Something performs it. If Lee ever asks me out, I'll say that'll be 'our' song. (Barf)"

'Barf' indeed.

Right. Wikipedia informs me it was indeed released twice, so technically it is possible I could've heard it years before my peers.

Wikipedia also mentions "VH1 and Blender ranked the song #6 on their list of the "50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever"

The following incident, occurring 3rd October 1996, was bafflingly deemed worthy of transcript.

"He [Lee of course, who else] was cutting up his rubber with his ruler then using his ruler to flick the cut rubber. It didn't go very far; his ruler wasn't flexible and it was only the length of these two pages. The first first of rubber only went this far = [doodle of arrows approximating two inches]. We both cracked up quietly. I said, "try my ruler." My ruler is quite long and good for flicking rubbers. When he saw it he grinned. YES!!!"

10th October 1996

"I'm going into a depression mode. Don't get me wrong, I had a great day, it's just that knowing that I can't have Lee makes me unhappy. Shane fancies me! At least someone does.

Poor Shane. He never stood a chance.

21st July 1997

"Just thought I'd update you on the last 6 or seven months.

Lee and I are now the best of friends. Everyone in my class is talking about Lee and me, saying we would make the perfect couple. I'm quite happy with that, and Lee doesn't seem to mind. Of course, if someone asks him straight out if he loves me, he denies it, but I wouldn't expect him to tell some stranger that he would like to shag me sometimes. [Heavens!]

There's just one problem.

Tomorrow we break up for summer.

When we come back we will be in Y9, and put in different sets according to our abilities. Lee and I share only 3 classes. I've been crying over this every night for a fortnight. I'll never see him again, practically.

Look, I've got to go now; I've started crying again."

Woah. That's some heavy shit, right there.

I wish I'd spent more of the 90s writing about what bands I liked instead of what boys I liked.

Same could be applied to every decade that's followed since, really.